I try to smile but I can't remember how

Here we are pretending we're ok
(You can say what you want but you still can't fool me)
The life we're living It's all masquerade
(I try to smile but I can't remember how)
So how did we get so jaded Is it so complicated
To not give up to me?

So here I am again sulking about the past. I don't understand when I believe that I've put all of that in my past and am moving it just comes back and hits me real hard. It catches me off guard and it's as if there will be no tomorrow, no happiness left in the world. That's right, I have finally been broken.

I've been listening to Keep Holding On by Simple Plan on replay. And that verse just perfectly describes me right now. Why does it have to be like this? Over and over again I question why it had to turn out like this.






I just can't take it anymore.

One Litre Of Tears

They say that time flies when you’re having fun. However, apparently, the same principle applies when your life is turned upside down for the worse and you are heartbroken. Where was my happiness? Where was the fun?

Well a month has already flown past. All the memories of this month are vague yet crystal clear, some moments jumping back into my memory like a lion jumping at its prey. It’s all quiet sudden and, like the poor, helpless zebra the lion stalks, it catches me off guard. It breaks my composed exterior that has taken me so long to build, shattering it into a million pieces. This truly shows just how weak I truly am. I believed myself to be much stronger and unbreakable, even by the harshest of insults. But this, this one experience in my life, leaves me choking for breath and surrounded by a flood of tears and tissues. I may be able to hide my emotions from those close to me and keep a composed exterior, however when I am alone, my barrier shatters without will.

My friends ask, “You ok?”
I reply with a fake smile plastered to my face and a jovial voice, “Of course! Don’t worry, I’ll Be Fine.”

Though my interior, my soul, is screaming to be set free of such pain. It feels as though I am wearing a mask. I do not know why I don’t surrender to the comfort my friends try to give me. I just don’t want to burden them with my problems, when they clearly have some of their own to tackle, not to mention they’re more worrisome then any that I have. I guess my pride is larger than I had ever anticipated.


But I’m not fine. No matter how many times I pick myself up, there is always something that’ll bring me down again.

I cannot wait til school begins again, as then I will be able to find a safe haven amongst my peers and have something to distract me than this damned holidays.

It was all my fault. My stupidity caused it and all that I am left with are the memories I shared with you. You’re a part of my life that I have to erase, no matter how much it hurts.

I'm Sorry.