Ugh

Just reading through posts I had made merely a year ago. How was I this annoying and naive?

I wonder, if in the eyes of others, I am still the same.

Bored and Stressed

It's been a while since I've posted here. I've been a little preoccupied with other blogs and life as it is. My life isn't fabulous or fun, it's just busy... with studies. HSC begins in less than ten days and I am freaking out. There's so much to do, and I just can't mind the motivation of inspiration to do anything. I'm constantly bringing myself down, and as a result I am really stressed. Sleeping is a pain now, it's so difficult to accomplish. It's as if the dark welcomes my brain to whir into motion with "what if"s and various thoughts I'd rather not think about. It's as if I'm here, I have control over my body, but not my thoughts and it's my thoughts that's hindering me. I'm almost soul-less. But then, I can't blame anyone but myself. If I had studied from the beginning, like I initially did, maybe I wouldn't be here today feeling like this.

I keep telling myself that there's only 4 more weeks until freedom. Just 4 more weeks.

I miss tumblr.

The Age Old Battle

Twilight. Today the word and creation that has shamed Generation Y, us. But is it really a shame? Or is it just useless hate that started off small, but spread uncontrollably?

If I recall correctly, before the movie came out those who didn’t read the series were shamed because it was thought to be second to the Bible (mind my blasphemy), and in order for most people to fit in they forced themselves to sit and read through three books about a girl who falls in love with a shiny, sparkly vampire and there they go through many teenage dilemmas including her unbelievable power to arouse other males and become vampire chow.

Twelve months before the movie came out the hype and tension created by the books was just unbelievable. It was even deemed a sensation. And every minute of every day, that tension seemed to rise just a notch higher. Disappointingly however once the movie did come out, it was just utterly and horridly.. well disappointing. Never had I watched a movie so terribly composed. Sure I have no talent in the creative arts department, but I’m sure the directing and acting could’ve been done a bit better. It didn’t do the books any justice.

So now I’m just thinking, are people only hating Twilight because of the movie? Because I can honestly admit that yes, Bella does continuously rave on about how much she loves and misses Edward and it’s annoying but it was a good read, mainly because it gave the readers an opportunity to escape to a fantasy of their own ideal Edward (Quote Bronwyn), and that image was only shattered by the way media chose to portray those characters (Kind of like how they ruined the Harry Potter series as a whole). But nonetheless a good read.

I’m not a huge fan of the movies, I do get hyped when they come out and must see them, but it honestly does not do the series any justice. The Harry Potter books = PURE AWESOMENESS that you can read 20+ times and still not get bored. :) So to whoever out there that hates Harry Potter, seriously you can not hate something this great in literature!

Jealousy

It has the potential to creep up at the most unwanted times. Or just whenever possible. I’ve been jealous before, I’m human. I mean who hasn’t been? It taints the once stainless soul, and can potentially ruin them.

There may be many reasons for one’s jealousy, love, lust, money, etc… But mine is simplicity. I’m jealous how a person can express themselves so beautifully yet so simply, whereas I struggle to make sense of what I try to express. I’m jealous of how a person’s life can be so simple, where mine is entangled with so much lies.

My jealousy is, of course, my fault. I care too much. I care how people may judge me. I care how people percieve me. I don’t want to be this person. I don’t want to hide behind a facade to please everyone. Yet how can I break free of the comfort of my facade?

You Can Run All You Like.

Ever had that moment where no matter how much good you do and restraint you show, people just don't believe you? Yeah karma's a bitch like that. Ever since last December I promised myself.. no more boys. And I've kept good with that promise. Yet, if you don't burn and bury your evidence well enough, well let's just say there are people that are looking for them. Even if they didn't know what they were looking for.

That's just how life likes to fuck with you.

Parents and I were on a roll for months now, and this stupid piece of my past pops up and everything goes down the drain. I was this close. This close... And I had been a "good girl" too. Well I haven't jigged this whole year... yet.

Just fuck my life. I can't even look at my dad anymore. And my mum? God, it's just awkward being in her presence. I'm a slut to them, that's what I'll be for the rest of my life. No amount of academic achievement or money can redeem me from that. To top it off what they saw doesn't even fall under the "wow-holy-shit" factor. I hate having traditional parents.

Guess you can't really run from your past aye? The truth will reveal itself no matter what.

“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes.”

- Mark Twain