Dum Spiro, Spero.

While I breathe, I hope.

Family. Friends. Love. The three core ingredients to a happy life. The amount of each can differ according to the needs of the individual.

I’ve noticed something quiet recently, and further confirmed it while talking to Andrea. I realised there’s a hole in my life. A gigantic hole. The hole that I can’t seem to mend just yet. This hole was created from the moment I stepped into Australia 11 years ago. I miss my country. I miss the life I may have had there. But beyond all of it, I miss my relatives. I never got to see my cousins grow up. Never had the chance to create memories that I could one day, perhaps, recount to my children, much like my parents do to us. I hate there’s that big gap between us. I hate it so much. My cousin, who’s 15, can’t even talk to me properly because he’s too shy, and even when we do, we run out of things to say. It’s always “Hey! How are you?”, “How’s your studies?”, etc. I want there to be more to talk about. Like the funny things he does, or the stupid things he gets up to. I want this with all my cousins.

I feel lonely when my mum recounts her childhood. It’s like looking through a glass mirror, I see what I want, not what I have. What I want is what my mum and dad had. And it’s sad that my brother and sister couldn’t care less. Sure my brother was only 2 when we moved here, and my sister was born and raised here but you’d expect them to have some sort of desire fore that close familial connection.

*sigh* I almost got to see my, then, baby cousin in 2006 because my parents my and aunt’s family planned a trip to meet up together at our country. But then my dad had a stroke which pushed us back quiet substantially, ending in me never meeting my cousin. Now he has a sister who is almost 2. How time flies. Not just that but I feel left out that everyone is moving to a place where they are much closer to each other and I’m stuck halfway across the world. Not that I hate Australia or anything, but I just want that closeness with my cousins and my family.

I know my parents want to give me a better future here, but I want the other half of the glass to be full to. *sigh*

Aish. It looks like I’m rambling. All I want is a tight-knit family, like the one of the cute polar bears, but I know those are hard to come across.